Diets suck the life out of me...but Fasting doesn't?

Why can’t I lose weight? I’m eating under 1600 calories, which isn’t much for my size. I am eating low-carb. I am exercising. I am cooking from scratch with lots of vegetables. I am eating healthy snacks. I feel like I am starving a couple hours after eating. Why? Why? What can I do? What am I to do? What is wrong with me? Why do I keep failing? Is this just how it will be forever?????

Sound familiar? It was my life up to 3 months ago…..

Then 12 weeks ago my cousin Mindy had posted about intermittent fasting and something told me to ask more. Now I had no interest in fasting. I do it once a month for religious reasons and it kicks my butt.  Last year I had hired a health coach to help me lose weight and she asked me if I was interested in fasting as part of it and I gave a most definitive “not a chance.”

For some reason Mindy’s post intrigued me. I was at whit’s end trying to lose weight, nothing was working. I felt defeated. I was considering surgery or one of those diet plans that involve little food, prepacked crap and a whole lot of money I didn’t have. However, I knew it wouldn’t be sustainable. I knew, from previous weight loss, that if it isn’t something I could maintain forever, I would not be able to maintain forever.

Mindy told me about the book “Delay, Don’t Deny” and added me to the facebook group.  I read EVERYTHING I could get my hands on. Learned about clean fasting and started the next day fasting for 16 hours (drinking water, no food or flavoring) and eating for 8.

At first I ate everything I could when my window opened but, I would get full quickly. It took 3 weeks to feel okay doing it and I eventually moved my window to 18 hours fasting and 6 hours eating.  I heard about people doing longer fasts up to 72 hours, but I said no way, not ever, not me.

Well, one day I accidently ended up fasting for 24 hours. I realized that I did just fine. That my body mostly said it was hungry out of habit and out of boredom. I was letting my body control my hunger, not me.

So I decided to challenge myself and ended up doing a 44 hour fast and it was amazing! Not amazing because of not eating food, amazing that I could teach myself that food is nourishment not just something to do because I like it, want it, crave it and am bored.

I have done several more long fasts, (not beyond 44 hours though) and I regularly fast 20 hours and eat in a 4 hour window now. It is freeing and I have lost 3 inches off my waist in 3 months. And I look and feel better. My eyesight has improved, I have lost the dark bags under my eyes, I have less pain, I sleep better, my hair is thicker and stronger, I have a lot more energy and no after lunch slump, I have better focus and concentration, and I get a lot more done in a shorter time. It is pretty darn cool.

Now, you might say “but you are starving yourself, of course you are losing weight” Nope, not starving. I have done starvation dieting and it was horrible and I gained weight and never felt good. I am feeling great and am able to eat things that I want, and I do! I eat with my family and don’t feel like I am deprived or guilty. That is so awesome!

This is a way of life, not a diet, it is sustainable and FREEEEEEEE!!!!!!! It has changed my life!  I feel proud of myself and free of the diet cycle. My quality of life and health are improving.

I recently read the Obesity Code by Dr Jason Fung. He is a kidney doctor and had a lot of diabetes patients who were dying of kidney failure. He started looking more closely at diet and calories and food and made some discoveries that changed how he treated patients. He found the calorie in calorie out method is not the whole story and is leading this diet cycle that is killing us. He has now treated hundreds of patients and have been able to help them solve their health and diabetes issues within a few months. It is an incredible book! Life changing! Made me feel less like a loser! So, read this book!

Gin Stephen's is a teacher that struggled with weight her whole life and did every diet known to man....she spent thousands on trying to solve her obesity issues and then she finally found intermittent fasting and really introduced the world to "clean fasting." I have been following her podcasts and posts and been a part of 3 of her facebook groups. Her book and protocols are more of what I follow. And It is FREE...no packaged crap...no money (I save money) It is awesome.

I hate people telling me about diets, but if Mindy hadn’t, I wouldn’t be where I am today and would be considering surgery….Thank goodness Mindy took the chance!!!! Thank you Mindy!!

So if you are interested, a book that will change your life is “The Obesity Code” and “Delay don’t Deny.” And ask me questions xoxo

and here are some links:

http://www.ginstephens.com/all-blog-posts/category/intermittent-fasting

https://youtu.be/VIhhrYjVhOk

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/10-health-benefits-of-intermittent-fasting?fbclid=IwAR0evx3QgnhaqulxphHdWCkziyDfIRlzvxcCNhwaxHk6qboT-WDXeJ91GMw

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/science-reveals-why-calorie-counts-are-all-wrong/

https://www.bluezones.com/2019/01/why-the-calorie-is-broken/?fbclid=IwAR15q6sV2j3QEPO3e9lMQMGPbo01Rnv8BVae4FOgcRUgZQEppkp5b5B-Mg4

What I have learned about life by growing a garden

I have tried to garden before, but was never very successful.  I tend to be impulsive and struggle with time spent watering.  However, this winter I finally found success! (maybe because I wasn’t working 80 hours a week…hmmm)  I loved watching things grow!!!  My winter garden was pretty easy to take care of.  I felt more confident in my gardening and wanted to branch out.  I asked help from a more experienced gardener and went for it.  I found some success and some failure.  These successes and failures made me think deeper about how the gardening system works eg. Seed, soil, water, sun and the keys to how these elements truly interact to create the happiest environment for growth.  I then, of course, started thinking about life and the interactions of certain elements that help us to bloom, grow and create the fruits of happiness. 

 So here are my thoughts on this subject.  Remember, I am still an amateur gardener and an amateur person.  I have many flaws in how I approach gardening and life, but I am learning and willing to grow.

*Let’s start with seed, for if ye have not seed ye shall not grow (my own proverb….you are welcome)

            My view of seeds when I first started gardening was the more the merrier!!  Throw the seeds to the wind and let them plant!  Yes, I am very aware there is a whole chapter in the scriptures on where seeds land.  It happens to be fairly accurate.  I tended to crowd things in and decided that I would let natural selection take its course.   Well, it kind of does.  However, the stronger can plants destroy the more delicate ones.  This was frustrating as I wanted basil and chives, but basil said, “no way chump”  and the chives failed. If I had a better understanding of the growth tendency of each plant I would have been able to put it in the right environment and allow them to grow at their own rate and with the nurturing that they each individually needed.  

            You can see where this is going eh?  How often weexpect everyone to perform the same under a set of circumstances.  I forget that I have had opportunities and personality traits that others do not.  Everyone needs a chance to be in an environment that both supports and challenges.  We need to make sure we aren’t pushing others out because of our own pet peeves, anxieties, projections of our own insecurities, needs to be recognized and biases.  We need to think about what others really need instead of what we want them to need.   I recently had this experience.  There was a woman I knew wanted me to visit and made a list of things she wanted me to do.  I was tired and wanted to get work done and kept thinking that she was wanting too much from me.  When I really stopped and pondered on her life and circumstances I realized what she really needed was just for me to care, to be there, to be listened to and see a friendly face.  She has been planted in a difficult circumstance and the growing is delicate.  Humbled and grateful for the opportunity to serve I went.  I don’t know all the answers to seeds and how they should be planted…but I do know I really do need to read the tiny directions on the back of the package.  There are always clues if we take the time to slow down and figure it out.

*Soil and Water: If the soil is good and you water it-things should grow well…right?

            Ummm…ya, no.   Good nutrient rich soil is very important.  Water essential. However, it doesn’t always guarantee that your plants will continue to thrive just because you once put great soil in and you water it.  This is probably my biggest AHA! this gardening cycle.  We put in wonderful rich soil.  In my book the plants should have thought they were in heaven it was so great.  My goal was to be the best waterer ever. (waterer should be a word)   I planted the seeds in this awesome soil and watered and watered and watered.   The plants grew and flourished and looked so promising!  I was stoked!  But then, some of the zucchini started to rot on the plant.  How could that happen?  The plant looks healthy.  I’m watering.  Water has nutrients, it should make the most beautiful zucchini in the world! 

As I researched I found that heavy watering actually depletes the soil of the nutrients it needs.   I tend to water heavy, meaning I put it on a pretty good stream and fill up the planter fast.  It’s water right? Plants need it, so it shouldn’t matter how fast or slow it goes.  Wrong.   When it says water deep, you water slow and let it take its time.  This helps it retain the nutrients in the soil and hold on the nutrients from the water.  I also started adding extra nutrients to the soil in the form of compost.   Now my plants are happier than ever. 

            Slowing down, doing it right, making sure the important things are sticking.   So many times in life we truly think that the things that are important can be done fast and furious.  We throw ideas, rules, doctrine, expectations, learning, experiences at ourselves and those we love expecting them to sink in, be appreciated and built upon because it is good and good is good no matter how you get it.  Ya, not so much. We need to slow it down.  We need to allow processing time.  We need to let things simmer and soak and truly make an impact.  We need to take the time to make it authentic.  Guess what? It might take up some of your time….gasp….but it is worth it.  As I try to slow down and simmer and soak and when I try to teach important concepts to others, I have seen greater thoughtfulness, investment and love.  Oh, and my zucchini’s are rocking it. 

*Sun.  Light for plants good…but what if the heat doesn’t turn off?

            Arizona.  Summer.  Hottest summer in over 100 years.  Not the best combination for a garden.  I come home in the middle of the day, look at my poor wilting plants and feel sorrow that my plants look so terrible and it is stopping some of them from producing fruit and flowers.  I have learned that watering at night is an important key and not to give up though things look bleak and wilty. 

Watering at night helps the water to stay longer with the plants instead of evaporating in 110 degree heat.  This gives the plants a chance to have this essential piece of life working to protect it in the intense heat of the day.   In the morning, I get to look out and see everything looking strong and bright again.  Sometimes, things look bleak until September, but then, the temperature drops a bit and the plants returns to making fruits, vegetables and flowers! YAY! And it is time to put in your winter garden so you can harvest all winter long!

            We go through many periods of intense pressure, darkness, heat, pain and feel that it will never end.  It is taking the opportunity to fill our veins with essential nourishment that will help us stand up in heat of the day and say, I may wilt a bit, but I will keep standing up in the morning!  We can and have made it through everything that has been thrown at us so far.  What has been the most nourishing in your life?  I bet it is love and support of friends and family.  For many, including myself, it is also the gospel of Jesus Christ and knowledge and hope in my purpose and in the redeeming love of the Savior. 

Reach out with your roots.   Lap in every drop and then bloom!!!!!  Give, love, encourage and offer the fruits of your life to others and you always stand tall during the hardest of times.

There are many lessons I have learned and many, many more I need to learn and will learn.  I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and learn with my plants on this Earth.  That is the point friends.  We have been planted here and have had good soil.  We can’t let it decay, we have to make sure it is nourished and enriched and remember we are here to stand and not wilt.   All my love!

Never Give Up!

Today I learned two great lessons about never giving up.  

First, as I was walking around my house, I came  across my tangerine tree that was planted many years ago.  It was planted in the wrong spot and never grew and only ever produced one paltry tangerine.  When I started working several jobs, my watering and plant care became low priority.  I eventually stopped watering this tree because it was not responding.    It hadn't grown or produced fruit for years, but has remained in the same state.   Today I looked at it as I was walking by and to my great astonishment it had four beautiful tangerines growing!   I immediately watered it, feeling very repentant for my lack of care.

 The second  came from a religious leader, and I wasn't able to write the direct quote but said something close to: We make of our future what it needs to be despite our past mistakes.

I sometimes find myself ruminating over mistakes, errors in judgment, things I've said and done that I wish I could take back, people I wish I had done more for, opportunities lost and impulsive decisions made.   However, these errors or omissions are not what has defined me as a person.   Though I have dealt with feelings of sadness, regret, depression and repulsion at my decisions, what has defined me as a person and what kind of character I will have going forward is how I have chosen to deal with it.   

I have had to face the choice of embracing the negative feelings or working towards improving myself and making choices that would help me improve my reactions, feelings, letting go of selfishness and looking at others perspectives and feelings and asking for forgiveness of others and myself.  

I can't take back the years of neglect of my little tree...but I can start today by giving it the care it needs now.  It is never too late to change our path.  It is never too late to gain forgiveness and move forward, it is never too late to give care to those who have been neglected.   Despite our challenges and times of sorrow and disappointment, we get to choose the path we take tomorrow.  My tree chose to stubbornly defy the odds.  I hope all of us will also!   

And now some memes on this topic:  because I care! (And like memes)

Life's Obstacles and Floods

Recently life has offered me a few challenges that have challenged me emotionally, physically, financially, spiritually and intellectually.  I often shake my head and wonder why so many things seem to happen at one time. 

In the midst of these challenges I had two dreams within days of each other.    These dreams buoyed me spiritually and helped me to see a more eternal perspective of my challenges.  I wish to share them in hope that it helps others to take different view of their challenges.  (by the way, these dreams were before the floods in Arizona J  )

 

First dream:  I was walking down a dirt path near a normally dry river.  I knew my family was all waiting together at a park at the end of the path.   Walking was laborious as there was a chain attached to me that I was pulling along and I couldn’t see where it ended.   I wanted to take control of this chain and I saw a small trickle of water down in the river bottom.  I thought if I just went down to the bottom of the river I could use the water to help lighten the load so I could pick it up easier and take control.   Well, as anyone in the desert knows, if there is a trickle there may be a flood.  Sure enough, as soon as I got to the bottom of the river the flash flood came and washed me away into the churning whirlpool of water.   I knew two things immediately: 1. If I stayed strong and kept my body upright and head above water I could survive. 2.  This was an opportunity to truly gain power over my chain because the amount of water made the chain weight easier to bear. 

So I straightened myself up and stayed above water while simultaneously wrapping up the chain.   Soon the water began receding and I had gained control of the chain now wrapped neatly together.  As I extracted myself from the water I noticed there was a fence and locked gate back to the path.  However, the chains had shrunk into a key that unlocked the gate that would take me to where my family was waiting.  I unlocked the gate and walked through.

 

Second dream:  I was driving along a long dirt path to join my family at a recreational area.   I could see storm clouds ahead of me.   The road I was to turn on was also dirt, but it had many dips and rough areas.   My family was waiting at the end of this road.   As I drove closer it began to sprinkle.  I knew that my little car would have trouble making it through the dips if they became flooded and muddy.  The rain began to get heavier as I reached the road.   I had to decide; was I strong enough to confront the obstacles to reach my family.

 

These dreams sent me a contemplative mood.  There were so many ways to look at the meaning of these dreams while at the same time making me a little worried about what other floods would enter into my life.  As I pondered on these things peace came over me.  I knew that I would meet and overcome these challenges and find the key to returning to be with my eternal family because of my understanding of the Plan of Salvation that has been offered to me by my Savior Jesus Christ.

 Adding to this knowledge is the study of the scriptures and gospel that I have been doing.   Along with the scriptures I have been reading Elder David A. Bednar’s books: Increase in Learning, Act in Doctrine and Power to become.

The three main points that have enriched, increased my understanding, guided my purpose and strengthened my faith and conversion are:

                *the definition of grace as strengthening and enabling power

                *the true understanding of endurance

                *what the character of Christ truly is and I can more fully become more like Him.

This is what Elder Bednar says about grace:

the word grace frequently is used in the scriptures to connote a strengthening or enabling power:

“The main idea of the word is divine means of help or strength, given through the bounteous mercy and love of Jesus Christ.

“… It is likewise through the grace of the Lord that individuals, through faith in the atonement of Jesus Christ and repentance of their sins, receive strength and assistance to do good works that they otherwise would not be able to maintain if left to their own means. This grace is an enabling power that allows men and women to lay hold on eternal life and exaltation after they have expended their own best efforts” (p. 697).

Thus, the enabling and strengthening aspect of the Atonement helps us to see and to do and to become good in ways that we could never recognize or accomplish with our limited mortal capacity. I testify and witness that the enabling power of the Savior’s Atonement is real.”

I know this to be true.  As I look back through the challenges I have had in my life and the challenges I am currently facing I have seen how grace has played an important part.  I remember one day I felt I could not go on with the pain I was dealing with.   I was curled up and racked with emotional pain.  I prayed for relief, comfort and peace.   I received that blessing and was able to make it through that day and I had to continue to call on my Father and was able to gain strength step by step, day by day.   The woman I became after facing that experience strengthened me and helped me become more of the woman that I want to be because of this strengthening and enabling power.   So my challenge to you is as you study the scriptures look for the word grace and insert strengthening and enabling power.  Also, think of how you have had the opportunity to receive grace in your life.

 

Next is endurance.  Elder Bednar states, “to endure valiantly denotes possessing or demonstrating consistent commitment, courage and determination in process of time.  We are to press forward and act as agents and not just sit passively as objects and wait to be acted upon.  We are to endure valiantly, and with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.  To power to become includes abiding, disciplined, persistence in both the good and the bad of our mortal existence. “

Isn’t that an awesome quote!   I think of the times of my life that I struggled most, it is when I allowed myself to be passive and lost my disciplined persistence.   The happiest and most at peace I have been is when I was being more consistent in my commitment to Christ and his gospel and acted upon what I knew to be right and true. 

Finally, focusing on the character of Jesus Christ and implementing those characteristic more fully into my life.  The most important characteristic was his focus on serving others.   No matter what was happening to Christ he always looked outwards.   Elder Bednar writes, “Character is revealed, for example, in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress.  Therefore, character is demonstrated by looking, turning and reaching outwards when the instinctive response of the “natural man’ in each of us is to turn inward and to be selfish and self-absorbed.  And the Savior of the world is the source, the standard, and the ultimate criterion of moral character and the perfect example of charity and consistency.”

 

These principles have helped me see my capacity, my potential, that no matter what I face I can overcome it through faith, obedience, endurance through the strengthening and enabling power of the Lord and to look outwards to find, help and encourage others along our way.  

 

I truly believe that if we implement these principles in our life we can be strong and not be sucked into the whirlpools of challenges and disappointments in our life and be able to take control of the chains holding us back that we may be able to reach our most important and valuable goals in life.

 

Love to you all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First World Problems

This semester has been full of challenges for me, but the last two weeks have been trying for me in another way.  First, my fridge broke, and then a water pipe got a hole in it, leaving me without water for several days.  As soon as the pipe was fixed the stairs up to my front door began falling apart, first the rail fell off then one of the steps collapsed in. Finally (or so I thought) my computer, which is pretty essential to my job as a college teacher, became unusable.  I persevered and with the help of family everything was fixed, and I bought new parts and replaced repairable items.    I thought this would be enough challenges in my life, which was already filled up with other challenges more intellectually and emotionally bound. 

Well, you know what happens in life…there is no such thing as “the end.”  Last night my smartphone fell out of my pocket and shattered the glass on it, and when I got home I shut my trunk and the spoiler fell off.   However, something happened in-between the first set of disasters and this new disaster which changed my perspective and refocused me on what is really important and feel frustrated by these events. 

I was on a social networking site and saw this picture:

 on the bottom, the caption read, "First World Problems."  I read it and laughed and went, “hmmm,”  but didn’t delve much further than that.  Then the moment came when my phone smashed and my spoiler fell off my car that I said to myself, “first world problems!” and didn’t feel any annoyance or frustration.

Now using “first world problems” can be offensive to some, but to me it isn’t a slight on other countries or populations, but a remembrance to myself what true hardship is and what I have and should appreciate.  None of the things that have happened to me have any real impact on my life, my happiness, my success, my ability to help, my comfort, my health, my abilities.  Yes, it cost me money and time which can be scarce, but I was able to find both.  I have had many other difficult moments in my life which involved health problems, failed relationships, broken trust, painful experiences, hurtful words, financial difficulties, loss, death and more.  Yet, I have been able to continue on a path of success and meeting goals finding happiness and peace.  I have a comfortable home, transportation, family, love, hope, goals, intellect, talents, health, peace, and more.  I am not in constant fear of hostilities, poverty, destroying my family.  I do not have to flee for my safety.  I have plenty of food and leisure.  Even weeks I work 80 hours or more, I still have more time than many.  Even on weeks I am not able to buy groceries, I have more food than some villages. There are no plagues, bombs, blatant injustice, and humanitarian tragedies happening at my door.  I am so very blessed, so very rich.

 I am so very, very rich.  Not by comparison to the wealthy of first world standards, but by most of the world and though all generations of time I am.  With a smashed phone, a broken spoiler and a computer that doesn’t work, I am incredibly blessed.  Our perspectives of life and what we have and we think we should have is based on the community and environment in which we live and interact.  Most of the time, this environment is not conducive to reality.  We tend to live in our own “head” unable to channel others experiences and feelings.  We have to look outside and see what is really going on in the world and try to feel what others are feeling and experiencing to broaden our perspective, give us true understanding of our place in society and the world and help us become less greedy, childish, whiney, and woe-is-me ish, which is truly a first world problem.

I saw myself falling into this trap as I have spent too much time working and focused on work and what I need and want and not enough time focused on others.  I am grateful that my perspective about what my life truly is and can be has reopened.  I will continue to think “First World Problem.” when things seem to be falling apart to remind me that it isn’t important enough for frustration or other intolerant or negative feelings.  I want a perspective based on a truer reality not based on the shelter of my first world life.  I am truly happy to have my life and live in such an amazing time and such an amazing country.  I hope I will be able to get out of my head and my world and reach out to those with actual need and actual problems and help them on their way.  May we all strive to broaden our perpective so we can truly live a life full of joy!!

Lessons from a three year old and a twisty slide

picture from:http://madronoranch.blogspot.com

Some time ago I went to a park with my three year old niece. She attempted many of the play items on the playground. Her favorite piece of playground equipment was the twisty slide. She would slide down it over and over. Soon, however, that was not enough. She then wanted to imitate some of the older children, and climb up the slide. I watched her as she attempted to climb up several times, and slid back down to the bottom of the slide with each unsuccessful attempt. Finally, I saw that she was determined to reach this goal, I knew it was now time to offer my support. Without saying a word I stretched out my hand towards her. Being three, I knew it was likely she would reject the proffered hand and she would proclaim, "I do it myself."

 

She looked at the hand and said, “Sara help me.”  I stretched my hand even closer to her.  She reached out her little, sweet hand and grasped my hand.  With her other hand she clutched the edge of the slide and slowly but surely began making her way up the slide.  Several times she released my hand and put more trust in the side of the slide than my hand, and she did not adjust the position of her hand as we went up the slide, causing her to slide back to the bottom of the slide.  

 

With loving eyes, I watched as she refused to give up, she in fact, kept climbing up that twisty slide with determination.  Eventually, she learned to balance her grip on the slide and her grip of my hand and made significant progress up the slide.  

 

We came to another hurdle.  As she climbed up the slide we came to a point where, although I could hold her hand still, I could not see her and she could not see me.  There was no eye to eye contact.  She had to trust that I would remain there holding her hand, and I had to trust she would keep climbing up the slide.  She slid down once more, but, this time, with confidence she climbed up that slide, and although she couldn’t see me and I couldn’t see her we trusted in each other and knew we were each there.  She charged up that slide, reached the top and proclaimed, “I did it!”

 

This was an incredible learning moment for me.  For one, it brought about the complete understanding of the idea of scaffolding.  I could have just dragged her up that slide, and she could have been successful, but she wouldn’t have learned how to climb up the slide, or developed some of the capabilities and competencies in the experience of climbing.   

 

Most importantly, I recognized in a very minor way some of the ways our Savior operates in the teaching and guiding of his earthly children.  He also allows us time to test out our abilities and see what we can do.  When we reach our limit, he also reaches his hand out to us, with the option to take it or not.  He also will not drag us up the slide, just because He wants us to feel success. He knows it will be worthless in our progress and painful.  He also has to allow us to learn to adjust our grip, our balance and our perspective.  He also watches, and hopes we will climb again, that we will reach out our hand and grasp his capable and loving hand.  He also has to trust, that though we are unable to see him eye to eye, we will continue to grasp, and continue to climb.  He understands most completely, that we have to learn through scaffolding, we have to build competencies of faith, hope, resiliency, love, endurance, patience, and peace in order to meet the challenges of life ahead. 

 

How many times that I have said, “Help me Father!!!”  and he has reached out his hand towards me?  How many times have I ended up in awkward positions, let go when I have not completely trusted in that I could get through this challenge?  How many times has he been there as I readjusted, tried to learn from my weaknesses and mistakes?  How many times has He trusted that I would keep going when He seemed far away?  How many times have I said, “I did it!!”  Instead of, “Thank you!!”?

 

From the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 15:11 states, “Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?  If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely the things shall be made known unto you.”

 

Elder David A. Bednar stated about inquiring of the Lord, which is the first step in taking the Lord’s outstretched hand, “it is spiritually demanding and rigorous process.  Sincere desire, diligent preparation and faithful confidence in and commitment to act upon expected instruction.”

 

I am so grateful for all that I have.  May I continue to understand His grace and mercy and great love.  May I be grateful of His understanding of what I need to grow and learn and become stronger, more capable and be able to live the most beautiful life possible.  May I continually say “Thank you” and act upon my faith.  

Perspective

Perspective

With a writing utensil in your hand with the point up, imagine a clock on the ceiling straight above you.  Trace around the clock clockwise.  After several rotations, continue circling the writing instrument while lowering it to eye level, then chest level, then abdomen level, keep the point straight up, while lowering.

What do you see?  Which way was your hand rotating when you got down to abdomen level?  Why do you see it that way?

Our ability to negotiate and manage life successfully and positively depends on our perspective.  Before we can help children to develop a healthy perspective, we need to analyze our own.

One of the ways I gauge where I am in my ability to have a healthy perspective is how easily offended or how much drama and/or judgment I make towards other people and my feelings about myself.

Right now my perspective is pretty healthy, one of the ways I can tell is it pretty difficult to hurt my feelings or offend me.  For example, recently a friend accidentally text me about me, my friend described the state of our friendship and how I had to be approached and what was not allowed.  My friend was fairly accurate in the description of where our relationship stood and why.  However, there were elements missing that would’ve, from my perspective, left the intended recipient unaware of the reasons our friendship had been rocky and needed certain parameters to work.

I then had to face a choice, the friend who had sent me the mistext was coming to my home within a half hour from the time I received the message.  How would I respond to the person when they came to my home?  At first I was a little saddened by some of the things that were said, and how it could misrepresent me and what had happened.  I analyzed the text further, and was glad that my friend understood that I refused to participate in the behavior that had caused the rift in our friendship in the first place, but they were willing to try and continue the friendship.  I decided that I would demonstrate how happy and good my life was because of my choices. When my friend arrived I welcomed my friend with open arms and a joyful demeanor, and I was sincere.

Because of my understanding of my friend’s personality and individuality, and realization that their perspective was vastly different from mine, I was able to realize and accept that they might see the situation in a different light, and however they expressed that, go team.  It couldn’t hurt me.

At a conference I went to this weekend, they mentioned that it was beginning to be noticed that one of the reasons some people end up in more drama and conflict is a tendency to misinterpret the situation.  This makes so much sense!!

One of my favorite pictures is a black lab that is holding a duck in his mouth.  At first glance, people are pretty appalled...then as you look closer you notice, the duck is alive, and the dog is holding it gently.  The story behind the picture is that the dog and duck were friends, and grew up together, and this is how they play.  But, when we look at the picture, we immediately jump to conclusions and might not look further for truth.

I have had times that I have misinterpreted situations and it skewed my perspective.  I have been working on this and am much more confident, and happy.  Now, when I find myself jumping to conclusions, basing things on prior experiences, then I remind myself that I might be misinterpreting others intentions, and projecting my perception upon their words, and body language that was causing all the problems, not the other person. 

Have you ever had someone get upset at you because they misinterpreted your meaning??? Huh??? Bet you have!!!  I know I have, so we have to realize we misinterpret situations. 

   

This brings us back to children.  Children need to learn directly about perspectives and appreciating others perspectives.  They can disagree or agree with those perspectives, but they need to understand that there are other valid perspectives.  There was a time in my life I could explain to any of my political friends, in either party, why their party was supporting the position that they were…and I could do it without judgment.  It has helped me to have better conversations, friendships, discussions and learning experiences for myself and my friends because of my and their willingness to listen and think through their perspective.

One of the very best ways is to do this with stories with children.  You read a story and discuss how the different characters might be thinking and feeling, and demonstrate the differences.  Have the children role play this at home, and point it out in situations.  Have them consider things from another’s position.  And for a bonus challenge…whenever you find yourself getting upset or offended at someone else, I double dog dare you to consider their perspective.  Share your findings with your children.  There is nothing more powerful than a parent teaching a child with real life situation and demonstrating how they are growing and learning. 

Help your children develop the social skills necessary to judge others actions and words correctly and to develop a greater capacity to listen to others perspectives, and think of people as individuals, instead of us versus them.   The most important way we can accomplish this our children, is to give them a lot of interaction and face time.  That is how we can develop all the best qualities with children. 

For more information and further development and understanding please see:

Mind in the making by Ellen Galinsky

Born for Love Bruce Perry

Reading Writing Respect Resolution

www.morningsidecenter.org.