Perspective
With a writing utensil in your hand with the point up,
imagine a clock on the ceiling straight above you. Trace around the clock clockwise. After several rotations, continue circling
the writing instrument while lowering it to eye level, then chest level, then
abdomen level, keep the point straight up, while lowering.
What do you see? Which
way was your hand rotating when you got down to abdomen level? Why do you see it that way?
Our ability to negotiate and manage life successfully and positively
depends on our perspective. Before we
can help children to develop a healthy perspective, we need to analyze our own.
One of the ways I gauge where I am in my ability to have a
healthy perspective is how easily offended or how much drama and/or judgment I
make towards other people and my feelings about myself.
Right now my perspective is pretty healthy, one of the ways
I can tell is it pretty difficult to hurt my feelings or offend me. For example, recently a friend accidentally
text me about me, my friend described the state of our friendship and how I had
to be approached and what was not allowed.
My friend was fairly accurate in the description of where our
relationship stood and why. However,
there were elements missing that would’ve, from my perspective, left the
intended recipient unaware of the reasons our friendship had been rocky and
needed certain parameters to work.
I then had to face a choice, the friend who had sent me the
mistext was coming to my home within a half hour from the time I received the
message. How would I respond to the
person when they came to my home? At
first I was a little saddened by some of the things that were said, and how it
could misrepresent me and what had happened. I analyzed the text further, and was glad
that my friend understood that I refused to participate in the behavior that
had caused the rift in our friendship in the first place, but they were willing
to try and continue the friendship. I
decided that I would demonstrate how happy and good my life was because of my
choices. When my friend arrived I welcomed my friend with open arms
and a joyful demeanor, and I was sincere.
Because of my understanding of my friend’s personality and
individuality, and realization that their perspective was vastly different from
mine, I was able to realize and accept that they might see the situation in a
different light, and however they expressed that, go team. It couldn’t hurt me.
At a conference I went to this weekend, they mentioned that
it was beginning to be noticed that one of the reasons some people end up in
more drama and conflict is a tendency to misinterpret the situation. This makes so much sense!!
One of my favorite pictures is a black lab that is holding a duck in his mouth. At first glance, people are pretty appalled...then as you look closer you notice, the duck is alive, and the dog is holding it gently. The story behind the picture is that the dog and duck were friends, and grew up together, and this is how they play. But, when we look at the picture, we immediately jump to conclusions and might not look further for truth.
I have had times that I have misinterpreted situations and
it skewed my perspective. I have
been working on this and am much more confident, and happy. Now, when I find myself jumping to conclusions, basing things on prior experiences, then I remind myself that I might be misinterpreting others
intentions, and projecting my perception upon their words, and body language
that was causing all the problems, not the other person.
Have you ever had someone get upset at you because they
misinterpreted your meaning??? Huh??? Bet you have!!! I know I have, so we have to realize we
misinterpret situations.
This brings us back to children. Children need to learn directly about
perspectives and appreciating others perspectives. They can disagree or agree with those
perspectives, but they need to understand that there are other valid
perspectives. There was a time in my
life I could explain to any of my political friends, in either party, why their
party was supporting the position that they were…and I could do it without
judgment. It has helped me to have
better conversations, friendships, discussions and learning experiences for
myself and my friends because of my and their willingness to listen and think through
their perspective.
One of the very best ways is to do this with stories with
children. You read a story and discuss
how the different characters might be thinking and feeling, and demonstrate the
differences. Have the children role play
this at home, and point it out in situations.
Have them consider things from another’s position. And for a bonus challenge…whenever you find
yourself getting upset or offended at someone else, I double dog dare you to
consider their perspective. Share your
findings with your children. There is
nothing more powerful than a parent teaching a child with real life situation
and demonstrating how they are growing and learning.
Help your children develop the social skills necessary to judge
others actions and words correctly and to develop a greater capacity to listen
to others perspectives, and think of people as individuals, instead of us
versus them. The most important way we can accomplish this our
children, is to give them a lot of interaction and face time. That is how we can develop all the best qualities with children.
For more information and further development and
understanding please see:
Mind in the making by Ellen Galinsky
Born for Love Bruce Perry
Reading
Writing Respect Resolution
www.morningsidecenter.org.
