Tonight in the college class I teach, we were discussing assessing early childhood students and why it is important that we assess children's emotional and social ability. I shared with them a discussion with another educator about a child that struggled to interact with other children in a manner that is socially acceptable to the other children. We discussed that it was important to help this child develop appropriate interaction skills so that they can build relationships with others that help to foster feelings of self. When children are not able to socialize appropriately it often leads to negative self feeling so that children actually struggle even more socially, which leads to problems in school and at home. Children's rules about social acceptance are rigid. We also discussed how it was essential for us to teach children to be accepting of differences and more flexible in their rules and how to interact with children unique personalities.
This led us into the discussion that as a people we are bound to social acceptance as part of our identity and feelings of self. I once saw a magazine cover that showed anorexic women on the front and asked the question about what we are doing in society that is leading to girls starving themselves to be accepted. However, in the corner of the magazine there was a blurb about a story on the inside about Mariah Carey being fat. At that time in my life I was struggling with feelings of self. I had recently lost a great deal of weight, which I had carried since childhood, and had dated several guys who said they loved my qualities enough to marry me but wouldn't since I didn't meet their standards of attractiveness enough. This was really a major blow to my self esteem. Seeing this magazine showed me the hypocrisy of society and social rules and how I needed to re-evaluate where to focus my esteem. Luckily, I have esteem in other areas of my life and decided to put my focus there.
As we discussed some of these ideas, we thought about the areas that our self worth suffers the most tend to be places where we feel we are not meeting the ideals of what is socially acceptable. However, as adults we need to sort through those feelings and start throwing out what isn't real, or shouldn't matter. For example, although my size and shape is not the socially acceptable norm for attractive, I needed to define my own parameters around what I think is acceptable. I have spent time obsessing over my weight and calories and have had trouble dating because I doubt that I can be attractive to men, worried and felt bad about myself. However, I haven't thought like that for some time, and have been focusing on my parameters of socially acceptable and have been much more satisfied with my life and where I am right now in my life. I exercise every day. I eat healthier than I ever have. I monitor caloric intake. I am happier than I have ever been, I am emotionally and mentally stable. I am strong and able, I am able to make and build healthy relationships. I am passionate about the work that I do and the children I am able help. I have meaningful talents and can have important conversations. I am optimistic and find that living a fulfilling and meaningful life important. These new parameters has brought me satisfaction and joy about who I am and what I can offer society.
This is my challenge to you. Define your own parameters for socially acceptable in your life, and then live it, love it and share it. We are not children playing on a playground of rigid social rules. We are adults, we know what creates true happiness in life. Take some chances, be daring. Dare to be you, Dare to believe in who are and what you have to offer. Stop wasting time on "socially acceptable" and focus on how you can create a socially happy, stable life. Do you take my dare? Rock it!
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