Self-Worth and Social Perceptions

Tonight in the college class I teach, we were discussing assessing early childhood students and why it is important that we assess children's emotional and social ability.  I shared with them a discussion with another educator about a child that struggled to interact with other children in a manner that is socially acceptable to the other children.  We discussed that it was important to help this child develop appropriate interaction skills so that they can build relationships with others that help to foster feelings of self.  When children are not able to socialize appropriately it often leads to negative self feeling so that children actually struggle even more socially, which leads to problems in school and at home. Children's rules about social acceptance are rigid.  We also discussed how it was essential for us to teach children to be accepting of differences and more flexible in their rules and how to interact with children unique personalities.

This led us into the discussion that as a people we are bound to social acceptance as part of our identity and feelings of self.  I once saw a magazine cover that showed anorexic women on the front and asked the question about what we are doing in society that is leading to girls starving themselves to be accepted.  However, in the corner of the magazine there was a blurb about a story on the inside about Mariah Carey being fat.  At that time in my life I was struggling with feelings of self.  I had recently lost a great deal of weight, which I had carried since childhood, and had dated several guys who said they loved my qualities enough to marry me but wouldn't since I didn't meet their standards of attractiveness enough.  This was really a major blow to my self esteem. Seeing this magazine showed me the hypocrisy of society and social rules and how I needed to re-evaluate where to focus my esteem.  Luckily, I have esteem in other areas of my life and decided to put my focus there.  

As we discussed some of these ideas, we thought about the areas that our self worth suffers the most tend to be places where we feel we are not meeting the ideals of what is socially acceptable.  However, as adults we need to sort through those feelings and start throwing out what isn't real, or shouldn't matter.  For example, although my size and shape is not the socially acceptable norm for attractive, I needed to define my own parameters around what I think is acceptable. I have spent time obsessing over my weight and calories and have had trouble dating because I doubt that I can be attractive to men, worried and felt bad about myself.  However, I haven't thought like that for some time, and have been focusing on my parameters of socially acceptable and have been much more satisfied with my life and where I am right now in my life. I exercise every day.  I eat healthier than I ever have.  I monitor caloric intake.  I am happier than I have ever been, I am emotionally and mentally stable.  I am strong and able, I am able to make and build healthy relationships.  I am passionate about the work that I do and the children I am able help.  I have meaningful talents and can  have important conversations.  I am optimistic and find that living a fulfilling and meaningful life important.  These new parameters has brought me satisfaction and joy about who I am and what I can offer society.

This is my challenge to you.  Define your own parameters for socially acceptable in your life, and then live it, love it and share it.  We are not children playing on a playground of rigid social rules.  We are adults, we know what creates true happiness in life.  Take some chances, be daring.  Dare to be you, Dare to believe in who are and what you have to offer.  Stop wasting time on "socially acceptable"  and focus on how you can create a socially happy, stable life.  Do you take my dare?  Rock it!

Faith, Hope and Charity Presentation

by Sara Anderson on Friday, October 28, 2011 at 9:59pm

As you can see there are many representations of flowers around this room.  Draw your favorite flower.

Now write the words that describe why this flower is your favorite…it may be something about the flowers attribute or a way it makes you feel or both!

Please share with me some of these words or descriptions, as I write them on the board. 

In one of Wallace Stegners books he wrote, “botanists tell us that the blossom is an evolution of the leaf-but they cannot say just why that particular bud should take from the same air and sunshine a fairer substance, a deeper color, a more permanent existence and become something at which each passerby pauses, and goes on his way happier for the sight.”               

I love flowers; they do make me so happy.  Look at the list of attributes on this board.

How many attributes do you share with flowers?  I think it is probably many of them.

Think of women at your table, in this room, in your life who share many of these qualities.  These are some of the best qualities to have.  May I share with you how I believe we develop and then share these qualities with others?

I would like to now share with you the parable of the orange bells.

My orange bells are one of my favorite flowering bushes in my yard.  They are outside of my kitchen window where I seem to spend a lot of time looking out while cooking, washing dishes…cooking, washing dishes, and washing dishes….

I have even been seen sitting on the counter with my feet in the sink with my binoculars or camera watching the diversity of birds and insects that visit and also find joy in my orange bells.  I have watched, fed, and cared for this bush lovingly, knowing the joy it brings to me and others.  (and because it blocks my neighbors view into my kitchen window.

This winter the cold snap came, I knew I couldn’t cover the plant with a sheet.  It had become too large and independent.  I would have to let it fend for itself.  I had nourished it and tried to make sure it had what it needed to develop strong roots.  Night after night during that freeze I covered other plants that weren’t strong yet, and looked concernedly at my orange bells knowing that it would be it hard.

Slowly and surely the orange bell flowers fell off, the branches and leaves turned black.  My heart hurt every time I looked at it.  It looked dead and lost, but I am ever hopeful.  I continued to water it and tried to find ways to nourish it.  I took off the dead branches; my plant was cut low to the ground.  Weeks went by, and months.  I continued to water, with hope in my heart.  The ground began to warm, and from the bottom of the plant, branches and leaves began shooting up.  They shot up fast and strong.  More and more branches shot up and bright green leaves burst from the branches.  It was more weeks full of anticipation, but soon orange blooms opened and covered the bush. 

Joy filled my heart.  My plant fought against the adversity and pain of being frozen and cut down, but it responded by becoming stronger, taller and fuller.   I am now less concerned about it come winter because it has proved its resiliency and strengthen its ability to survive.    And now, once again it offers it blooms to bring nourishment to the birds and insects and happiness to be as I labor washing dishes. 

Listen to Stegners quote again, but with my changes and insertions.

“The scriptures teach us that the celestial woman is an evolution of the ‘natural woman’ they can say why that particular woman should take from the same air and sunshine a fairer substance, a deeper color, a more eternal existence and become something at which each passerby pauses and goes on his way happier for the sight, the help, the smile the existence of such a woman.”

I believe I know why some women are able to offer this richness of existence, this beauty of a celestial spirit….and by “some women”  I mean you.  Despite or because of trials and tribulations in your lives there exists 3 qualities that are the key to the richness of the bloom.

Moroni also explains to us what they are…in chapter 10 verse 20.

“Wherefore, there must be faith; and if there must be faith there must also be hope; and if there must be hope there must also be charity.”

Easy huh?  Let’s break down each of these three parts, and as it happens, there are also 3 parts necessary to the flower that can create a more substantial, richer bloom.

The first is the stem.  What is important about the stem?   Why is it essential to the flower?  The stem as we know moves the nutrients from the roots up and down the plant.  If you have no stem, you have no leaves, you have no bloom, and you have nothing.  

At your tables discuss which of the three components, hope, faith and charity do you see as the stem and why.  Now share with me what you think.

To me the stem represents faith.  Faith is the driving force behind all we do, our actions, our decisions, our responses our resiliency. 

On your paper, write down faith, and under it quickly write some of the words that come to your mind that represents faith…such, as to me, steadfastness comes to mind.  Take one minute.

What are some of the words?

Alma 5:15 asks:

“Do ye exercise faith in the redemption of him who created you?  Do you look forward with an eye of faith,,,,”

What is this eye of faith?  Elder Peterson said in the April 2009 conference that an eye of faith is “the ability to focus and be steadfast, continually holding fast to true principles, nothing wavering…this quality of faith is exceedingly powerful.”

Focus and steadfast….nothing wavering.   I know how difficult that is.  However, I know that that is a goal.

Those places of faith where you know you waver, just means you need to tighten up, work towards strengthening those areas through prayer, scriptures, studying and really pondering.  My journal is actually a place where I record my searching, thoughts and answers of what I need to tighten up on…If you never work for faith, you will never develop it.  I know it can be tough, but what other time do you have but now?

When I travel and am seeing new places, I am relatively unfocused and unsteadfast…I let my eyes and mind wander as I take in everything around me.  When I was 18, I traveled alone for the first time.  I had to take the train from Livorno, Italy to Milan.  I didn’t have the ticket for my next destination to Germany, a friend I was meeting in Milan had it.  She was traveling from a different part of Italy.  I didn’t know from where, I didn’t know when or what train of the 25 train pull ins of this massive train depot I was to meet her.  When I arrived, I will admit I was a little panicky.  I had already had a traumatic (but now entertaining) experience with the ticket taker guy on the other train, and then looking at the lines and lines of trains,  and hundreds of people coming off and on, and knowing I had no way of reaching my brother or friend, and rain coming down on me, I felt quite overwhelmed.  So I prayed in faith, knowing that I would be protected and all would be well.  I then found a place and put my heavy bag down and sat on it…for 3 hours.  For two hours I waited, watching people, and trains come and go.  But I felt calm.  Then my friend appeared, she got off the train that I was sitting directly in front of.  The only train out of 25 that I could clearly see the passengers.  My focused attention, steadfastness, and faith that the Lord would guide led me to the place I needed to be.  If I had moved, I wouldn’t have seen her, and would have missed my connection to Germany.

So many times I wonder why I can’t do this when I begin to wonder about some of the blessings promised me, that have not yet been fulfilled and which I crave.  However, if I let myself waver, and don’t immediately strengthen my faith I will not be in the place I need to be when the promised blessings arrive.  

Faith is the lifeblood of who we are and what we can achieve.  It helps us be in the right place at the right time.  It helps us do the things necessary for true happiness and fulfillment.

Although I am not in the place I thought I would be as a young woman, I am certain that I am in the right place at the right time, and if I stay steadfast, all promised blessings will be mine, and I will make all celestial connections.

Next, is hope.  I see hope as the leaves of the flower.  What do leaves do for the plant?

 It reaches out and pulls out the important nutrients that sun sends our way.  In other words, it reaches out to the brightness of the world and pulls in warmth.  That is how I envision hope. 

My favorite definition of hope is found in Ether 12:4

“Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God.”

On your paper, write down something you hope for.  Write down three things you need to do to make that happen.

So if we hope for a “better world”  what do we need to do?

A couple years ago I was going to the gym with a couple of girlfriends after work.  One day, as we were on the treadmill, they started talking about food and what they were going to eat, and what the had eaten.  I just laughed.  As a person who has lost a significant amount of weight, and continue to battle I know that to lose weight…hopping on a tread mill for a couple minutes is never going to reverse the effects of food. 

These wonderful women hoped to lose weight, but didn’t act upon all the principles needed to achieve that goal.

As I was once taught by an amazing friend, that if we hope for something, it means we are recognizing the absence of something, and then our active participation to activate hope and fill in what is missing.  If we hope for weightloss, we have to recognize the absence of  eating and exercising in a mindful manner and then have to make a plan to be more thoughtful of what we are doing that is creating extra weight, and how to train skills to lose weight.

If we are hopeful because of the Atonement, we recognize the absence of our faithfulness to the commandments and principles of the gospel and we then need to recognize our need to participate in the plan of salvation by recognizing our dependence upon our Savior and his sacrifice and ACT to fulfill this hope through faith and repentance leading to obedience to the principles of the gospel.

 We have to be proactive to activate hope.  You have to reach those leaves out, stretch out to feel the sun and the rain and receive the nutrients that you need to keep faith flowing and active.  Leaves also release oxygen which helps all others to grow. 

I love hope.  Recently a friend shared some research on relationships….Secure people provide support that is reassuring and uplifts the friend, whereas insecure people are self-serving, less considerate, less helpful, and consider the help and support they receive to be insufficient.

To me, that says that people who are secure have faith and hope for a better world, know that they need to lift and serve others, while those who are less secure, tend to look inward, and are so concerned about what is inside, that they don’t see how important their leaves or bloom are.

This leads me to the third part of our flower and our development of us into celestial woman.  It is the bloom.  To me, the bloom shows off the strength of the stem and leaf, and how well they are working together.  It is the purpose of their work.  It is charity.

Elder Maxwell states.  “Genuine, ultimate hope helps us to be more loving even while the love of many waxes cold.  We are to be more holy, even as the world ripens with iniquity, more courteous and patient in a coarsening and curt world, and to be of strong hearts even when the hearts of others fail them.

Hope can be contagious, especially if we are to be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh a reason of the hope that is in us…President Brigham Young said, “if we do not impart knowledge to others and do good, we will become contracted in our views and feelings.” 

My rose bush is an example of this.  During the summer, its overexposure to the elements and heat, makes for a paltry bloom.

If you want to bloom with celestial glory, if you truly want to live life with fullness, satisfactions and overcome trials and obstacles, then you must look at yourself honestly and without fear.  When I am counting calories, the only way to reach my goal is to write down everything even chocolate honestly.  When I try to pretend I didn’t eat those things and/or justify their impact on my diet, the one who suffers is me, and anyone who has to listen to my tearful breakdowns at any weight gain. 

I have to analyze my emotional and spiritural self as precisely.  How do we do that?  Sit down and honestly analyze the amount of time you spend thinking of yourself, your fears, your frustrations, your desires.  How much time does that occupy in a day, week, month, lifetime.  Then analyze the amount of time spent serving, praying and thinking of others.  Here are some graphs….which one might represent you more closely?  Which one do you want to pop up on the powerpoint during your celestial kingdom interview?

Your attitude, your conversations, are all apart of charity.  How you bless and lift the lives of others through your interactions is an essential part of  your bloom.

Are you blooming to your fullest extent, or like my rose bush allowing too much of the world create a half hearted bloom?  Look at your facebook posts, your topics of conversations, your emails…do they drip of “needy” “sad”  “sick” or “joyful”  “hopeful”  “bright light”

Do you create a self-fulfilling prophecy by sending those messages out, and then reacting negatively about yourself because people don’t want to be around you? 

What types of people do you enjoy being with?  Be that type of person.  Many times I am sick, lonely, grouchy, but present on facebook or conversations a more optimistic side…for one, that is what people expect from me, and two, that is what I expect from myself, and eventually I will realize that I am being grumpy and ill for no reason, and find the joy that is in there and I am boring myself.

What you present is critical to your happiness.  Project faith, hope and charity, and act upon those and you will find, joy and happiness, optimism and fulfillment.

One day recently, I woke up sad and lonely.  I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  I cried on the phone to friend,….didn’t feel better….yelled at people on the freeway…didn’t feel better…walked around frowning…didn’t feel better…I was exhausted, I knew…I worked so much at my three jobs that week, that I hardly knew where I was.  Then it came to me.  Although I love my jobs and responsibilities, I hadn’t spent anytime with my family and especially my nieces and nephews.  I hadn’t been able to feel love because I hadn’t put myself in a position to give love to them.  Once I realized that I made it a priority to find those children, and spend time with them, and haven’t felt those feelings of loneliness and despair since.  What we give and present is what we receive back..  It is through faith and hope that we are able to give charity in the most selfless, loving, nurturing way we can and we will receive back more faith, more hope and charity.

Our blooms will be sweet, and bright, rich and full and give joy and hope to others, build up faith and nourish and protect.  Is there anything greater in life than that achievement?  Nothing, nothing, nothing. 

Just like my orange bells, we are nourished and lovingly watched over, but can’t always be protected.  However, if we have the courage and determination like this little plant, to live a life full of fulfillment, then we will let the nutrients of the soil and water coarse through our stems as faith, being steadfast and unwavering, standing strong in holy places…we will reach out our leaves of hope, pulling in the sun and rain, and oxygen,  giving and receiving hope….filling ourselves with the best things, and radiating the best of life with every breath.  Acting upon faith to stretch out those leaves.  And then we will bloom, Bloom with sweetness, color, cheer…filling others with joy through our actions, filling ourselves with joy through our action.  All of these things will work together to become the flower, and even when laid low…we will rise again…faster and stronger.

I would like to read one last scripture.

2 Nephi 31:20  Where fore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of god and of all men.

We must press forward…which is a concerted effort to progress

With steadfastness in Christ.  Which is demonstrated by our eyes fixated on Christ, his example and his gospel.

We must have perfect brightness of hope:  brightness, which is light, guidance and desire

And love of God and all men:  build up the kingdom of God and serve others.

Then it finishes: Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

So, if with that concerted effort to progress taking in the scriptures and words of our prophets and endure to the end, which is proactively practicing, obedience, faith and works we will have eternal life.

Enduring and submitting are not passive responses at all, but instead are actually more like being braced sufficiently to report for advanced duties, while carrying-meekly and victoriously-bruises from the previous frays.

What are a few fingers of scorn now anyway when the faithful can eventually know what it is like to be “clasped in the arms of Jesus”? 

What are mocking words now, if later we hear those glorious words, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant”?

Meanwhile, Paul urges us to “plow in hope”

Therefore, desperately needed is longitudinal perspective, the hope of the gospel.  Today’s put-down is then placed in the perspective of our being lifted up tomorrow in God’s plan of happiness.

We know when we are doing all of these things well is when we fill the most joy, and things seem to run the smoothest in our life.  It always frustrates me that I am not doing all of that all the time.  But rejoice when I am doing it, and bask in the glow of the warmth that is there at that time.  It is in those moments that I know that eternal life is worth working for…It is in those moments that I know that I can get through anything life throws at me.  I know that if I can be unwavering, resilient, steadfast, and bloom, that the best of the feelings that come will be mine forever.  Now that is a precious gift, and I must seek it out now. 

A Story of Hope and Survival

“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope”

I wish I had taken a picture of my yard after the 16 degree night.  Desert plants (and desert girls) aren’t meant to withstand such a cold spell.  Many of my plants, I was sure, were not going to make it.  As we moved into spring, some, surprisingly, began to show signs of life, leaves, flowers and growth were shown.  Others, their branches looking dead and lifeless, brought sadness to my heart when I looked at them brown and freezer burnt. 

I had planted the majority of plants in my yard.  It was a bare lot when I moved in, except for two old trees and 2 saguaros.  Since then, my mom and I worked to xeriscape, using as many native, or desert adapted plants as we could.  It was my own little Garden of Eden in the desert.  Then, this winter, several nights of below freezing weather threatened my little paradise.  I did what I could in covering a few, but mostly, I had to let the other fend for their self.  They had to be able to be exposed to the elements; it didn’t make sense to wrap them all every night.  They had to be able to adapt to what came, the intent was for my landscaping to be beautiful, but low maintenance.  I must let the ones that were older, and more settled in withstand the cold.  But it broke my heart, when I thought they didn’t survive.  I still watered and cared for them, and continued to have hope that they would overcome and survive. 

Today as I was watering my plants, I was surprised to see that even though, it was late growth, there was new growth.  Not at the top where the leaves were, but at the bottom.  The tops were too far gone, so the plant started anew, with vigor and tenacity.  It doesn’t seem to care that it has been hurt, that it has been declared dead and ugly.   It pulled from its roots and has exploded.  I imagine it singing away as it is growing, whistling a happy tune, refusing to let anyone or anything trample its progression.  It doesn’t care about the past, it doesn’t care how low its been laid, it doesn’t care about what it used to be, it is heading up and out and taking over those old, frozen branches with new life, vigor and purpose.  'I will survive" it says, "I will be just as beautiful as before, or maybe even better, because now I know, I can take on the blistering heat, the freezing cold, and the inconsistent watering of Sara. "

I look forward with even more joy now, to look out my kitchen window, where these plants are, and watch the growth, and with anticipation wait for the first flowers, and see the birds coming back to this plant.  My heart will be even fuller as I look at it, because I know what it has survived, what it has overcome, and how it took on the world, despite the label and low expectations that were placed upon it.  It had will, it had hope, it believed.  May we all look at ourselves, and set our own expectation and approach life with tenacity and spirit. May we continue to nurture the growth and development of others. Life is short, live, love, hope and laugh with all your heart.  Know that God is watching over and loving and hoping for you.  He loves his us, even if we have to be exposed to the elements.  We get the opportunity, with his watering and love, to show what we can do, to demonstrate our hope and determination.

Love to you all.

Ether 12:4 "Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God." (from the Book of Mormon)

Happily Ever After

How many of you have said these words to yourself….

If only I was thinner…

If only I was prettier….

If only I was smarter…

If only I was more talented….

If only I were richer….

And on and on….

Okay, everyone put your hands down, we have all said it, the problem is, how often, for what reason, and how does it make us feel?

And what, pray, would happen if our “only if” came true?  We would be able to finally have all our wishes and dreams come true as we have planned them in our daydreams, our own personal fairytales would come to reality and we would live “Happily Ever After” of course!!!

Now, in saying this, I believe in constant improvement and change is healthy, and can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.  For example, I have worked very diligently on becoming thinner.  The body I have now has taken a lot of work and dedication.  Has it made me happier?  Yes!  The habits that have come with weight loss, have created a healthier inside, and helped me be able to do things such as hiking and running with greater endurance and success.  I have become more active and had the opportunity to participate in amazing adventures and be a better participant in my own life.    

However,  there was a time that I thought that losing weight would magically bring me all my heart desired in a home, husband and children.  That hasn’t happened, and for awhile, it really bothered me.  However, through a lot of analysis and discussions with friends I realized it brought me something else, respect for myself, for my resiliency, for my determination, for defeating the demons that try to tell me that I should just give up.  No matter if I lose any more weight or not, get married or not, have children or not, I still get to live happily ever after, as long as I am an active, positive participant in my own life, and the lives of others.  As long as I am working for happiness and doing things that truly bring happiness and fulfillment, I too, have happily ever after…because Disney is wrong, happily ever after is a journey, not a destination or a single event. 

When analyzing your, “If I only I was….”  Start to look at the purpose, intent and end game.   You have to be actively creating your happily ever after through satisfaction with the works you are doing.  Happily ever after is a journey that takes work through our entire lives, it is what we do, not what tangible thing we have to prove ourselves worthy of happily ever after. 

So, another personal story…..  I thought, “If only I was dating more, I would be happier.”   So, I was going out with friends a lot and dating, and hanging out and having fun However, I often felt lonely and slightly depressed in spirits afterward.  Why?  I couldn’t figure it out.  I had lots of fun, my friends were great, I was dating and doing things that I thought would lead to “happily ever after.”   Then my dad had a heart attack.  I dropped everything; I became focused on helping my family, being a support, whatever was needed.

Now, when I came home, I didn’t feel lonely, I felt joy after time spent with family and nieces and nephews.  

I still needed my friends, but now, I knew I needed to balance. Happily ever after required me to have balance.  I needed to balance, service and loving those, who need and appreciate it and me the most.  I started volunteering in schools more, trying to be around children more, and looking to where my talents could be of the most use. 

I have found myself full of joy and love.  I don’t feel lonely or lost.  I feel I am living “happily ever after.”  I needed to remember that life is a journey, and in our journeys we need to make sure we don’t fill our suitcase just with shirts, because they are pretty or cool, we need to make sure we have all the necessities that will help us do all that is good and bring happiness, and have some fun too.

Friends and dating and having fun is now a happily ever after for me.   I am happy doing them, not because of what might happen, but because of what is happening right then.  The incredible people I get to be with and the adventures I get to have are satisfying, but only when I balance it with time spent with family and other friends and their children. 

Time to change our words….when you find yourself saying…

If I was only…..

Say

I am……….. and I am going to achieve……….because it will help me and others by……………

For example:   I love music, and I am going to learn to play the piano because it will help me and others by providing music and times together singing.

Reach your goals, not so that magic will happen, but so that you created a stronger you, through positive growth and development.   Make sure, when you look back at your life, 10 years later, you don’t say, “Why did I spend 2 hours a day running, when I could have spent one of those hours doing something that would have really mattered to the people in my life.”

Don't let more base "natural man" purposes take precedent over the things that really matter. Nourish yourself and others.

Live Happily Ever After every day!!!  Think of what opportunities your journey has offered you, and you have been able to offer other.  Think of the goals you can work towards and will increase your satisfaction with what you have to give others and can enrich your own life.   If your journey ended right now, would you feel you have lived happily ever after?  What would you have done differently?  Who do you wish you had spent more time with?  Where do you wish you had spent more of your time and energy?  When and with whom do you feel the happiest, and more satisfied with who you are?

Be your best you and have true joy!!!

the Fulfilled Life

 I have been doing an unscientific study of women in their 30's and 40's who are unmarried.  I want to see how their attitudes and response to their situation in life resonates in their actions and activities.  The women I have been observing and talking to are all women who have desired to be married and have children but have not had the opportunity.  I have been impressed with the quality and talents of these women, their drive and intelligence.  There are two women, in particular, who have stood out to me, who have been acting as models of the best that a woman can offer.  They serve their community and all around them with quiet, humble determination and kindness.  I have seen one continually offering herself and her talents to lift and assist other women and children.  She has recently become foster care certified and has taken on the responsibility of serving and caring for children who need it the most.  The other woman is always serving by teaching children with patience and love.  I see her every Sunday bringing elderly widows to and from church.  These women, who I know dreamed of having their own family but have not had that opportunity, instead of getting desperate or wallowing in their lack of opportunity or feelings of loneliness, have reached out to fill the voids in others lives by sharing their talents and gifts to lift, care, and touch the lives of others.  They understand truly how to live a fulfilled life.  Life is not about the number of dates, friends, people who can flatter your vanity...a fulfilled life, is the number of people we can enrich and impact by our love and service.  These women represent the best that is in womanhood, and serve as an ideal to me in my quest to live a fulfilled life.  They prove in word, action and example that they are truly daughters of God.  When they stand before him to give an accounting of their life and how they spent their precious time on this earth, he will smile on them as their resume glows of how they touched and served others.   Thank you Tawna and Debbie, for being an example of the best in womanhood, and how to live a fulfilled life that enriches and impacts and creates a better life for others.

Confidence

A Fulfilled Life:  Confidence

I was part of an interview team, not long ago, and interviewed some amazing people.  They were very intelligent, had great ideas, and had done great work.  I didn’t know how to select the best candidate.  We had one more candidate to come and interview.  I was blown away by her.  It was more than her intelligence and what she had accomplished, but her confidence.  She walked into every situation, knowing who she was, what she had to offer, but listened to others, and was interested in the world around her.  It caused a total physical shock like reaction in me.  I realized that presentation of who we are really does make people pause, take notice and see the possibilities.

 

Confidence.  Confidence helps you live a more fulfilled life.  You are willing to reach out to more people.  You are willing to take chances on things you might not normally do, but become more enriched by doing it.  Confidence allows us to present ourselves as a walking advertisement for what we have to offer and allows others to tap into those resources, and build confidence their selves.  Think about that.  When you are around a confident person, how does that make you feel?  Do you start feeling more confident as they spend time with you?  It always builds my confidence!  

Enough is enough.  It is enough, allowing ourselves to drag ourselves down by what we aren’t.  Yes, we need to continue to improve ourselves and become better.  We are less likely to improve ourselves when we have low confidence; we only improve ourselves with high confidence.  Why?  Because we believe we can be better, and that we are worth the good things that will come when we are better, and know the journey will be worth it.

Confidence.  Confidence is not filled by attention and flattery from others.  Ya, that feels good, but it is fleeting and can leave us feeling more low and empty than before.  True confidence doesn’t need flattery, it needs us, in our heart, knowing that we are doing our best, and that we are worth people’s time and effort, and they are worth ours.  True confidence means we smile, and feel joy, even when we are alone.  True confidence means loving yourself, and as my mom always said “be your own best friend.” 

Confidence.  Confidence is not arrogance.  It is not looking down on others; it is not a surface belief in “looks” or “abilities.”   True confidence, in my definition, is a belief in our standing as a person of worth, able to accomplish good things, and make a difference in the world around us, through good acts, and a positive outlook.

No more, no more excuses, no more negativity, no more dragging ourselves down.  Just say no!!!

Say yes to confidence, say yes to advocating for yourself, say yes to joy, say yes to good works, say yes to doing more, being more, and loving more!!!!!

Confidence.  You too can be confident.  Rock it!!!

My Hope

I am often in communication, mostly with women, who have longed planned and hoped for a husband and children, but have found themselves unmarried and childless.  In my conversations, and my life experiences, I have struggled with the feelings that have come by the unfulfillment of these hopes and dreams.  I have come through a lot, and have thought a lot and have discussed a lot, and have realized, that my life is great!  It is full of joy and love, and amazing people and experiences.   I want to reach out to other women who are struggling through the places I have been and reach out a hand, and pull them out, and help them see their life from a new perspective, a happy perspective, a JOYFUL perspective.   It is taking what is handed to us, and rocking it!  Why not?  Why wallow, why sorrow, why drag ourselves down?  Bah...NO MORE!! Rise up!!!  Allow yourself to have joy!!!  To lift others!!!  To enjoy!!!  This doesn't mean you are giving up on marriage and children, it means you are making yourself and others around you better, and happier and making whatever comes more of a joy!  One of the amazing things about life, is how much more joy we feel for dreams fulfilled, when we are already joyful!!!!  So, hope it helps you, and I hope if you have any thoughts or ideas to share, you contact me, and I will post those also, for I would love more of a discussion than a monologue  :)