Happily Ever After

How many of you have said these words to yourself….

If only I was thinner…

If only I was prettier….

If only I was smarter…

If only I was more talented….

If only I were richer….

And on and on….

Okay, everyone put your hands down, we have all said it, the problem is, how often, for what reason, and how does it make us feel?

And what, pray, would happen if our “only if” came true?  We would be able to finally have all our wishes and dreams come true as we have planned them in our daydreams, our own personal fairytales would come to reality and we would live “Happily Ever After” of course!!!

Now, in saying this, I believe in constant improvement and change is healthy, and can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.  For example, I have worked very diligently on becoming thinner.  The body I have now has taken a lot of work and dedication.  Has it made me happier?  Yes!  The habits that have come with weight loss, have created a healthier inside, and helped me be able to do things such as hiking and running with greater endurance and success.  I have become more active and had the opportunity to participate in amazing adventures and be a better participant in my own life.    

However,  there was a time that I thought that losing weight would magically bring me all my heart desired in a home, husband and children.  That hasn’t happened, and for awhile, it really bothered me.  However, through a lot of analysis and discussions with friends I realized it brought me something else, respect for myself, for my resiliency, for my determination, for defeating the demons that try to tell me that I should just give up.  No matter if I lose any more weight or not, get married or not, have children or not, I still get to live happily ever after, as long as I am an active, positive participant in my own life, and the lives of others.  As long as I am working for happiness and doing things that truly bring happiness and fulfillment, I too, have happily ever after…because Disney is wrong, happily ever after is a journey, not a destination or a single event. 

When analyzing your, “If I only I was….”  Start to look at the purpose, intent and end game.   You have to be actively creating your happily ever after through satisfaction with the works you are doing.  Happily ever after is a journey that takes work through our entire lives, it is what we do, not what tangible thing we have to prove ourselves worthy of happily ever after. 

So, another personal story…..  I thought, “If only I was dating more, I would be happier.”   So, I was going out with friends a lot and dating, and hanging out and having fun However, I often felt lonely and slightly depressed in spirits afterward.  Why?  I couldn’t figure it out.  I had lots of fun, my friends were great, I was dating and doing things that I thought would lead to “happily ever after.”   Then my dad had a heart attack.  I dropped everything; I became focused on helping my family, being a support, whatever was needed.

Now, when I came home, I didn’t feel lonely, I felt joy after time spent with family and nieces and nephews.  

I still needed my friends, but now, I knew I needed to balance. Happily ever after required me to have balance.  I needed to balance, service and loving those, who need and appreciate it and me the most.  I started volunteering in schools more, trying to be around children more, and looking to where my talents could be of the most use. 

I have found myself full of joy and love.  I don’t feel lonely or lost.  I feel I am living “happily ever after.”  I needed to remember that life is a journey, and in our journeys we need to make sure we don’t fill our suitcase just with shirts, because they are pretty or cool, we need to make sure we have all the necessities that will help us do all that is good and bring happiness, and have some fun too.

Friends and dating and having fun is now a happily ever after for me.   I am happy doing them, not because of what might happen, but because of what is happening right then.  The incredible people I get to be with and the adventures I get to have are satisfying, but only when I balance it with time spent with family and other friends and their children. 

Time to change our words….when you find yourself saying…

If I was only…..

Say

I am……….. and I am going to achieve……….because it will help me and others by……………

For example:   I love music, and I am going to learn to play the piano because it will help me and others by providing music and times together singing.

Reach your goals, not so that magic will happen, but so that you created a stronger you, through positive growth and development.   Make sure, when you look back at your life, 10 years later, you don’t say, “Why did I spend 2 hours a day running, when I could have spent one of those hours doing something that would have really mattered to the people in my life.”

Don't let more base "natural man" purposes take precedent over the things that really matter. Nourish yourself and others.

Live Happily Ever After every day!!!  Think of what opportunities your journey has offered you, and you have been able to offer other.  Think of the goals you can work towards and will increase your satisfaction with what you have to give others and can enrich your own life.   If your journey ended right now, would you feel you have lived happily ever after?  What would you have done differently?  Who do you wish you had spent more time with?  Where do you wish you had spent more of your time and energy?  When and with whom do you feel the happiest, and more satisfied with who you are?

Be your best you and have true joy!!!

the Fulfilled Life

 I have been doing an unscientific study of women in their 30's and 40's who are unmarried.  I want to see how their attitudes and response to their situation in life resonates in their actions and activities.  The women I have been observing and talking to are all women who have desired to be married and have children but have not had the opportunity.  I have been impressed with the quality and talents of these women, their drive and intelligence.  There are two women, in particular, who have stood out to me, who have been acting as models of the best that a woman can offer.  They serve their community and all around them with quiet, humble determination and kindness.  I have seen one continually offering herself and her talents to lift and assist other women and children.  She has recently become foster care certified and has taken on the responsibility of serving and caring for children who need it the most.  The other woman is always serving by teaching children with patience and love.  I see her every Sunday bringing elderly widows to and from church.  These women, who I know dreamed of having their own family but have not had that opportunity, instead of getting desperate or wallowing in their lack of opportunity or feelings of loneliness, have reached out to fill the voids in others lives by sharing their talents and gifts to lift, care, and touch the lives of others.  They understand truly how to live a fulfilled life.  Life is not about the number of dates, friends, people who can flatter your vanity...a fulfilled life, is the number of people we can enrich and impact by our love and service.  These women represent the best that is in womanhood, and serve as an ideal to me in my quest to live a fulfilled life.  They prove in word, action and example that they are truly daughters of God.  When they stand before him to give an accounting of their life and how they spent their precious time on this earth, he will smile on them as their resume glows of how they touched and served others.   Thank you Tawna and Debbie, for being an example of the best in womanhood, and how to live a fulfilled life that enriches and impacts and creates a better life for others.

Confidence

A Fulfilled Life:  Confidence

I was part of an interview team, not long ago, and interviewed some amazing people.  They were very intelligent, had great ideas, and had done great work.  I didn’t know how to select the best candidate.  We had one more candidate to come and interview.  I was blown away by her.  It was more than her intelligence and what she had accomplished, but her confidence.  She walked into every situation, knowing who she was, what she had to offer, but listened to others, and was interested in the world around her.  It caused a total physical shock like reaction in me.  I realized that presentation of who we are really does make people pause, take notice and see the possibilities.

 

Confidence.  Confidence helps you live a more fulfilled life.  You are willing to reach out to more people.  You are willing to take chances on things you might not normally do, but become more enriched by doing it.  Confidence allows us to present ourselves as a walking advertisement for what we have to offer and allows others to tap into those resources, and build confidence their selves.  Think about that.  When you are around a confident person, how does that make you feel?  Do you start feeling more confident as they spend time with you?  It always builds my confidence!  

Enough is enough.  It is enough, allowing ourselves to drag ourselves down by what we aren’t.  Yes, we need to continue to improve ourselves and become better.  We are less likely to improve ourselves when we have low confidence; we only improve ourselves with high confidence.  Why?  Because we believe we can be better, and that we are worth the good things that will come when we are better, and know the journey will be worth it.

Confidence.  Confidence is not filled by attention and flattery from others.  Ya, that feels good, but it is fleeting and can leave us feeling more low and empty than before.  True confidence doesn’t need flattery, it needs us, in our heart, knowing that we are doing our best, and that we are worth people’s time and effort, and they are worth ours.  True confidence means we smile, and feel joy, even when we are alone.  True confidence means loving yourself, and as my mom always said “be your own best friend.” 

Confidence.  Confidence is not arrogance.  It is not looking down on others; it is not a surface belief in “looks” or “abilities.”   True confidence, in my definition, is a belief in our standing as a person of worth, able to accomplish good things, and make a difference in the world around us, through good acts, and a positive outlook.

No more, no more excuses, no more negativity, no more dragging ourselves down.  Just say no!!!

Say yes to confidence, say yes to advocating for yourself, say yes to joy, say yes to good works, say yes to doing more, being more, and loving more!!!!!

Confidence.  You too can be confident.  Rock it!!!

My Hope

I am often in communication, mostly with women, who have longed planned and hoped for a husband and children, but have found themselves unmarried and childless.  In my conversations, and my life experiences, I have struggled with the feelings that have come by the unfulfillment of these hopes and dreams.  I have come through a lot, and have thought a lot and have discussed a lot, and have realized, that my life is great!  It is full of joy and love, and amazing people and experiences.   I want to reach out to other women who are struggling through the places I have been and reach out a hand, and pull them out, and help them see their life from a new perspective, a happy perspective, a JOYFUL perspective.   It is taking what is handed to us, and rocking it!  Why not?  Why wallow, why sorrow, why drag ourselves down?  Bah...NO MORE!! Rise up!!!  Allow yourself to have joy!!!  To lift others!!!  To enjoy!!!  This doesn't mean you are giving up on marriage and children, it means you are making yourself and others around you better, and happier and making whatever comes more of a joy!  One of the amazing things about life, is how much more joy we feel for dreams fulfilled, when we are already joyful!!!!  So, hope it helps you, and I hope if you have any thoughts or ideas to share, you contact me, and I will post those also, for I would love more of a discussion than a monologue  :)