First World Problems

This semester has been full of challenges for me, but the last two weeks have been trying for me in another way.  First, my fridge broke, and then a water pipe got a hole in it, leaving me without water for several days.  As soon as the pipe was fixed the stairs up to my front door began falling apart, first the rail fell off then one of the steps collapsed in. Finally (or so I thought) my computer, which is pretty essential to my job as a college teacher, became unusable.  I persevered and with the help of family everything was fixed, and I bought new parts and replaced repairable items.    I thought this would be enough challenges in my life, which was already filled up with other challenges more intellectually and emotionally bound. 

Well, you know what happens in life…there is no such thing as “the end.”  Last night my smartphone fell out of my pocket and shattered the glass on it, and when I got home I shut my trunk and the spoiler fell off.   However, something happened in-between the first set of disasters and this new disaster which changed my perspective and refocused me on what is really important and feel frustrated by these events. 

I was on a social networking site and saw this picture:

 on the bottom, the caption read, "First World Problems."  I read it and laughed and went, “hmmm,”  but didn’t delve much further than that.  Then the moment came when my phone smashed and my spoiler fell off my car that I said to myself, “first world problems!” and didn’t feel any annoyance or frustration.

Now using “first world problems” can be offensive to some, but to me it isn’t a slight on other countries or populations, but a remembrance to myself what true hardship is and what I have and should appreciate.  None of the things that have happened to me have any real impact on my life, my happiness, my success, my ability to help, my comfort, my health, my abilities.  Yes, it cost me money and time which can be scarce, but I was able to find both.  I have had many other difficult moments in my life which involved health problems, failed relationships, broken trust, painful experiences, hurtful words, financial difficulties, loss, death and more.  Yet, I have been able to continue on a path of success and meeting goals finding happiness and peace.  I have a comfortable home, transportation, family, love, hope, goals, intellect, talents, health, peace, and more.  I am not in constant fear of hostilities, poverty, destroying my family.  I do not have to flee for my safety.  I have plenty of food and leisure.  Even weeks I work 80 hours or more, I still have more time than many.  Even on weeks I am not able to buy groceries, I have more food than some villages. There are no plagues, bombs, blatant injustice, and humanitarian tragedies happening at my door.  I am so very blessed, so very rich.

 I am so very, very rich.  Not by comparison to the wealthy of first world standards, but by most of the world and though all generations of time I am.  With a smashed phone, a broken spoiler and a computer that doesn’t work, I am incredibly blessed.  Our perspectives of life and what we have and we think we should have is based on the community and environment in which we live and interact.  Most of the time, this environment is not conducive to reality.  We tend to live in our own “head” unable to channel others experiences and feelings.  We have to look outside and see what is really going on in the world and try to feel what others are feeling and experiencing to broaden our perspective, give us true understanding of our place in society and the world and help us become less greedy, childish, whiney, and woe-is-me ish, which is truly a first world problem.

I saw myself falling into this trap as I have spent too much time working and focused on work and what I need and want and not enough time focused on others.  I am grateful that my perspective about what my life truly is and can be has reopened.  I will continue to think “First World Problem.” when things seem to be falling apart to remind me that it isn’t important enough for frustration or other intolerant or negative feelings.  I want a perspective based on a truer reality not based on the shelter of my first world life.  I am truly happy to have my life and live in such an amazing time and such an amazing country.  I hope I will be able to get out of my head and my world and reach out to those with actual need and actual problems and help them on their way.  May we all strive to broaden our perpective so we can truly live a life full of joy!!

Lessons from a three year old and a twisty slide

picture from:http://madronoranch.blogspot.com

Some time ago I went to a park with my three year old niece. She attempted many of the play items on the playground. Her favorite piece of playground equipment was the twisty slide. She would slide down it over and over. Soon, however, that was not enough. She then wanted to imitate some of the older children, and climb up the slide. I watched her as she attempted to climb up several times, and slid back down to the bottom of the slide with each unsuccessful attempt. Finally, I saw that she was determined to reach this goal, I knew it was now time to offer my support. Without saying a word I stretched out my hand towards her. Being three, I knew it was likely she would reject the proffered hand and she would proclaim, "I do it myself."

 

She looked at the hand and said, “Sara help me.”  I stretched my hand even closer to her.  She reached out her little, sweet hand and grasped my hand.  With her other hand she clutched the edge of the slide and slowly but surely began making her way up the slide.  Several times she released my hand and put more trust in the side of the slide than my hand, and she did not adjust the position of her hand as we went up the slide, causing her to slide back to the bottom of the slide.  

 

With loving eyes, I watched as she refused to give up, she in fact, kept climbing up that twisty slide with determination.  Eventually, she learned to balance her grip on the slide and her grip of my hand and made significant progress up the slide.  

 

We came to another hurdle.  As she climbed up the slide we came to a point where, although I could hold her hand still, I could not see her and she could not see me.  There was no eye to eye contact.  She had to trust that I would remain there holding her hand, and I had to trust she would keep climbing up the slide.  She slid down once more, but, this time, with confidence she climbed up that slide, and although she couldn’t see me and I couldn’t see her we trusted in each other and knew we were each there.  She charged up that slide, reached the top and proclaimed, “I did it!”

 

This was an incredible learning moment for me.  For one, it brought about the complete understanding of the idea of scaffolding.  I could have just dragged her up that slide, and she could have been successful, but she wouldn’t have learned how to climb up the slide, or developed some of the capabilities and competencies in the experience of climbing.   

 

Most importantly, I recognized in a very minor way some of the ways our Savior operates in the teaching and guiding of his earthly children.  He also allows us time to test out our abilities and see what we can do.  When we reach our limit, he also reaches his hand out to us, with the option to take it or not.  He also will not drag us up the slide, just because He wants us to feel success. He knows it will be worthless in our progress and painful.  He also has to allow us to learn to adjust our grip, our balance and our perspective.  He also watches, and hopes we will climb again, that we will reach out our hand and grasp his capable and loving hand.  He also has to trust, that though we are unable to see him eye to eye, we will continue to grasp, and continue to climb.  He understands most completely, that we have to learn through scaffolding, we have to build competencies of faith, hope, resiliency, love, endurance, patience, and peace in order to meet the challenges of life ahead. 

 

How many times that I have said, “Help me Father!!!”  and he has reached out his hand towards me?  How many times have I ended up in awkward positions, let go when I have not completely trusted in that I could get through this challenge?  How many times has he been there as I readjusted, tried to learn from my weaknesses and mistakes?  How many times has He trusted that I would keep going when He seemed far away?  How many times have I said, “I did it!!”  Instead of, “Thank you!!”?

 

From the Book of Mormon, 1 Nephi 15:11 states, “Do ye not remember the things which the Lord hath said?  If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely the things shall be made known unto you.”

 

Elder David A. Bednar stated about inquiring of the Lord, which is the first step in taking the Lord’s outstretched hand, “it is spiritually demanding and rigorous process.  Sincere desire, diligent preparation and faithful confidence in and commitment to act upon expected instruction.”

 

I am so grateful for all that I have.  May I continue to understand His grace and mercy and great love.  May I be grateful of His understanding of what I need to grow and learn and become stronger, more capable and be able to live the most beautiful life possible.  May I continually say “Thank you” and act upon my faith.  

Perspective

Perspective

With a writing utensil in your hand with the point up, imagine a clock on the ceiling straight above you.  Trace around the clock clockwise.  After several rotations, continue circling the writing instrument while lowering it to eye level, then chest level, then abdomen level, keep the point straight up, while lowering.

What do you see?  Which way was your hand rotating when you got down to abdomen level?  Why do you see it that way?

Our ability to negotiate and manage life successfully and positively depends on our perspective.  Before we can help children to develop a healthy perspective, we need to analyze our own.

One of the ways I gauge where I am in my ability to have a healthy perspective is how easily offended or how much drama and/or judgment I make towards other people and my feelings about myself.

Right now my perspective is pretty healthy, one of the ways I can tell is it pretty difficult to hurt my feelings or offend me.  For example, recently a friend accidentally text me about me, my friend described the state of our friendship and how I had to be approached and what was not allowed.  My friend was fairly accurate in the description of where our relationship stood and why.  However, there were elements missing that would’ve, from my perspective, left the intended recipient unaware of the reasons our friendship had been rocky and needed certain parameters to work.

I then had to face a choice, the friend who had sent me the mistext was coming to my home within a half hour from the time I received the message.  How would I respond to the person when they came to my home?  At first I was a little saddened by some of the things that were said, and how it could misrepresent me and what had happened.  I analyzed the text further, and was glad that my friend understood that I refused to participate in the behavior that had caused the rift in our friendship in the first place, but they were willing to try and continue the friendship.  I decided that I would demonstrate how happy and good my life was because of my choices. When my friend arrived I welcomed my friend with open arms and a joyful demeanor, and I was sincere.

Because of my understanding of my friend’s personality and individuality, and realization that their perspective was vastly different from mine, I was able to realize and accept that they might see the situation in a different light, and however they expressed that, go team.  It couldn’t hurt me.

At a conference I went to this weekend, they mentioned that it was beginning to be noticed that one of the reasons some people end up in more drama and conflict is a tendency to misinterpret the situation.  This makes so much sense!!

One of my favorite pictures is a black lab that is holding a duck in his mouth.  At first glance, people are pretty appalled...then as you look closer you notice, the duck is alive, and the dog is holding it gently.  The story behind the picture is that the dog and duck were friends, and grew up together, and this is how they play.  But, when we look at the picture, we immediately jump to conclusions and might not look further for truth.

I have had times that I have misinterpreted situations and it skewed my perspective.  I have been working on this and am much more confident, and happy.  Now, when I find myself jumping to conclusions, basing things on prior experiences, then I remind myself that I might be misinterpreting others intentions, and projecting my perception upon their words, and body language that was causing all the problems, not the other person. 

Have you ever had someone get upset at you because they misinterpreted your meaning??? Huh??? Bet you have!!!  I know I have, so we have to realize we misinterpret situations. 

   

This brings us back to children.  Children need to learn directly about perspectives and appreciating others perspectives.  They can disagree or agree with those perspectives, but they need to understand that there are other valid perspectives.  There was a time in my life I could explain to any of my political friends, in either party, why their party was supporting the position that they were…and I could do it without judgment.  It has helped me to have better conversations, friendships, discussions and learning experiences for myself and my friends because of my and their willingness to listen and think through their perspective.

One of the very best ways is to do this with stories with children.  You read a story and discuss how the different characters might be thinking and feeling, and demonstrate the differences.  Have the children role play this at home, and point it out in situations.  Have them consider things from another’s position.  And for a bonus challenge…whenever you find yourself getting upset or offended at someone else, I double dog dare you to consider their perspective.  Share your findings with your children.  There is nothing more powerful than a parent teaching a child with real life situation and demonstrating how they are growing and learning. 

Help your children develop the social skills necessary to judge others actions and words correctly and to develop a greater capacity to listen to others perspectives, and think of people as individuals, instead of us versus them.   The most important way we can accomplish this our children, is to give them a lot of interaction and face time.  That is how we can develop all the best qualities with children. 

For more information and further development and understanding please see:

Mind in the making by Ellen Galinsky

Born for Love Bruce Perry

Reading Writing Respect Resolution

www.morningsidecenter.org.