Happily Ever After

How many of you have said these words to yourself….

If only I was thinner…

If only I was prettier….

If only I was smarter…

If only I was more talented….

If only I were richer….

And on and on….

Okay, everyone put your hands down, we have all said it, the problem is, how often, for what reason, and how does it make us feel?

And what, pray, would happen if our “only if” came true?  We would be able to finally have all our wishes and dreams come true as we have planned them in our daydreams, our own personal fairytales would come to reality and we would live “Happily Ever After” of course!!!

Now, in saying this, I believe in constant improvement and change is healthy, and can lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.  For example, I have worked very diligently on becoming thinner.  The body I have now has taken a lot of work and dedication.  Has it made me happier?  Yes!  The habits that have come with weight loss, have created a healthier inside, and helped me be able to do things such as hiking and running with greater endurance and success.  I have become more active and had the opportunity to participate in amazing adventures and be a better participant in my own life.    

However,  there was a time that I thought that losing weight would magically bring me all my heart desired in a home, husband and children.  That hasn’t happened, and for awhile, it really bothered me.  However, through a lot of analysis and discussions with friends I realized it brought me something else, respect for myself, for my resiliency, for my determination, for defeating the demons that try to tell me that I should just give up.  No matter if I lose any more weight or not, get married or not, have children or not, I still get to live happily ever after, as long as I am an active, positive participant in my own life, and the lives of others.  As long as I am working for happiness and doing things that truly bring happiness and fulfillment, I too, have happily ever after…because Disney is wrong, happily ever after is a journey, not a destination or a single event. 

When analyzing your, “If I only I was….”  Start to look at the purpose, intent and end game.   You have to be actively creating your happily ever after through satisfaction with the works you are doing.  Happily ever after is a journey that takes work through our entire lives, it is what we do, not what tangible thing we have to prove ourselves worthy of happily ever after. 

So, another personal story…..  I thought, “If only I was dating more, I would be happier.”   So, I was going out with friends a lot and dating, and hanging out and having fun However, I often felt lonely and slightly depressed in spirits afterward.  Why?  I couldn’t figure it out.  I had lots of fun, my friends were great, I was dating and doing things that I thought would lead to “happily ever after.”   Then my dad had a heart attack.  I dropped everything; I became focused on helping my family, being a support, whatever was needed.

Now, when I came home, I didn’t feel lonely, I felt joy after time spent with family and nieces and nephews.  

I still needed my friends, but now, I knew I needed to balance. Happily ever after required me to have balance.  I needed to balance, service and loving those, who need and appreciate it and me the most.  I started volunteering in schools more, trying to be around children more, and looking to where my talents could be of the most use. 

I have found myself full of joy and love.  I don’t feel lonely or lost.  I feel I am living “happily ever after.”  I needed to remember that life is a journey, and in our journeys we need to make sure we don’t fill our suitcase just with shirts, because they are pretty or cool, we need to make sure we have all the necessities that will help us do all that is good and bring happiness, and have some fun too.

Friends and dating and having fun is now a happily ever after for me.   I am happy doing them, not because of what might happen, but because of what is happening right then.  The incredible people I get to be with and the adventures I get to have are satisfying, but only when I balance it with time spent with family and other friends and their children. 

Time to change our words….when you find yourself saying…

If I was only…..

Say

I am……….. and I am going to achieve……….because it will help me and others by……………

For example:   I love music, and I am going to learn to play the piano because it will help me and others by providing music and times together singing.

Reach your goals, not so that magic will happen, but so that you created a stronger you, through positive growth and development.   Make sure, when you look back at your life, 10 years later, you don’t say, “Why did I spend 2 hours a day running, when I could have spent one of those hours doing something that would have really mattered to the people in my life.”

Don't let more base "natural man" purposes take precedent over the things that really matter. Nourish yourself and others.

Live Happily Ever After every day!!!  Think of what opportunities your journey has offered you, and you have been able to offer other.  Think of the goals you can work towards and will increase your satisfaction with what you have to give others and can enrich your own life.   If your journey ended right now, would you feel you have lived happily ever after?  What would you have done differently?  Who do you wish you had spent more time with?  Where do you wish you had spent more of your time and energy?  When and with whom do you feel the happiest, and more satisfied with who you are?

Be your best you and have true joy!!!